The following was recorded September 30th 2013. Your regularly scheduled Buried! will resume after this recap…
The Big Sob
Oh here we go again with the fucking Big Show. If I gotta see this sad sap complain about his goddamn job one more fuc…oh, no Show, please don’t…
Calm down Show, it’s just satire, really, I….
Show, I’m sorry, but seriously. It’s fine that you change face every 6 months. It's fine that it took you more than 15 years to be interesting. Seriously it's fine that you never had a meaningful career until…
Alright dude enough!
So, RAW had a main event from a couple shows ago that was pay-per-view quality – The Rebellion vs. The Shield. It was intense, exciting, and everyone in the main event gave it their all. However, the fact that The Shield almost beat all 8 members of The Rebellion truly proves that some of these fuckers are literally buried in the WWE.
Yes….WAIT BEFORE WE FUCKING GET TO THAT, THE PSEUDO- GAY RYBACK CROSS PAUL HEYMAN SHIT IS FUCKED UP…BUT I LOVE IT! Paul, look in his eyes, who do you see? Ambiguous Homosexualityyyyyy…
But seriously, The Rebellion was a bunch of faces who rushed to Daniel Bryan's aid, but some of these dudes were uber jobbers. Sure we had the Prime Time Players and the Usos…but we also got R-Truth, Justin Gabriel, Zack Ryder and RVD. Zack Ryder hasn’t been seen in months, I forgot the dude was employed. Justin Gabriel only got a shot because he was on Total Divas, and R-Truth…WWE just needs to fill their racist quota for black people while Mark Henry’s gone. Sorry Truth, I love ya, but you’re…
What a piece of shit, but what do you expect from a new pay-per-view called Battle Ground. A new PPV just casually thrown in between Night of Champions and Hell in a Cell. This was messy, sloppy and overall just felt rushed. Where to begin? How about CM Punk vs. Ryback. What a weird match. First off, it was a little more than a year ago where a heel CM Punk, who was a Paul Heyman Guy as well as the WWE Champion, fought a face Ryback. Now, here we are, where the two have completely switched allegiances and the WWE Championship is nowhere in sight (seriously where fuck is it! I’ll get to that later.) Furthermore, CM Punk won that match thanks to a low blow by referee Brad Maddox (who is now that GM somehow!) In this year's match, CM Punk also technically cheated to get the victory. Also, Punk just looked sloppy through out the entire fight. But that’s not shocking, CM Punk has reached John Cena level of marketing and stardom. He’s Mr.PPV, he only needs to fight once a month in order to be over. CM Punk, finally, after YEARS of waiting, welcome to “The Hall Of…
A BIG Ending
Alright here’s a bit of honesty. I didn’t watch Battle Ground. Did I just say I thought Punk looked sloppy? Yeah I lied, I’m just going off what I heard off the internet. I didn’t watch a single minute of this garbage. Fuck, I didn’t even watch the preshow. If you think that destroys my credibility, I simply ask, “What credibility?” Anyway, what I do know is that the WWE feed for the show went out before the main event. Because you know, instead of paying the electric bills, they pay JTG. But seriously, the main event ended with no one becoming the WWE Champion. This is because Big Show came out and knocked out Daniel Bryan (for the McMahons) as well as Randy Orton and the ref (out of guilt). In a match that stars the flying goat himself, I’m shocked The Big Show stole the entire match. So, for once, The Big Show is…
A BIG Beginning
Big Show starts the program tonight in a BIG way. Alright I’m done with the BIG puns I promise. Show is forced to explain his actions at the PPV from the previous night. All I can say is I wish this was the Attitude Era. After Big Show refused to kneel before Stephanie, she smacked the shit out of him. It was brutal. Brutal enough that if it was the 90’s, Big Show would have WMD'ed her. Stephanie would be so broken after that punch that she would have ended up in TNA. However, this is 2013, and Big Show simply laughed it off and was fired. You know, fired, the same type of fired where you can wrestle for your job back. The same kind of fired where you still show up at every RAW show until you are rehired. Seriously “Juan Cena”, we still remember when you butt fucked our intelligence with that shit.
Something doesn’t feel right….let’s correct it.
Now that’s better.
Total Divas…Tag Match
What the fuck. There was a 6 woman tag match…with Divas. Please, hold your vomit. The match consisted of Aksana, Alicia Fox, and Rosa Medes vs. JoJo, The Red Head Girl and Natalya. So yes, five heels, and Natalya. Or gold, hidden under five turds. The sheer lack of wrestling talent in this match was disgusting. The fact that Natalya was being subjected to this filth and not in the title picture just grinds my gears. At least the match was cut short by Brad Maddox. That’s how you know that match was bad, when Brad Maddox is more exciting! Kidding, Brad Maddox is the fucking bomb.
I would bury Los Matadores, but MTR 200 had that covered.
No not Johnny Ace (sadly) but the false democracy that exist within the WWE! We, the WWE universe had the opportunity to vote for the special guest referee for the WWE Championship match at Hell in a Cell. It didn’t mater who was chosen as one option is clearly more likely to win than the others and the ref is going to screw over Daniel Bryan regardless. But our choices were Booker T, Bob Backlund and HBShizzle. You may be wondering if I am referring to HBK and am simply making a joke, albeit a bad one. Nope, HBK legit referred to himself as HBShizzle and said, “let’s get that trending”. What a horrid fucking comment. You know when Shawn made that joke back stage, everyone thought it was the funniest thing they ever heard. The dick sucking that goes on for HBK is ridiculous that’s why. But even funnier, some of the dumbest shit trends on Twitter during RAW, but not HBShizzle. When the WWE Universe doesn’t find the Heart Break Kid funny/trending, you know you’re…