Everything is wrong people. Why? Because everything is great. A pre-taped RAW that wasn’t filler, no Big Show, and the most shocking –Total Divas was good…Thank God because that meant Barry didn’t have to put the Bellas in their place.
Total Divas= Total Decent for Six Reasons
1. Kayfabe is dead on this show. The lines aren’t blurred, they just aren’t there. The relationship between The Bellas and their boyfriends (Daniel Bryan and John Cena) aren’t kept hidden and everyone is referred to by there real names. I respected it. Total Divas is the The Truman Show of the WWE – it’s not scripted, they just motion the stars to do certain things.
2. A nice look behind the scenes. Why exactly was the Divas match cancelled at WrestleMania? Well, we didn’t get that answer entirely, but we could surmise it was due to tension between Brodus Clay and Cameron, The Funkadactyls outfits not being complete, and just a total lack of time.
3. Natalya. She don’t give a fuck. How she isn’t fired after this show is beyond me. Natalya plays the role of the pissed off mentor who is more than talented, but gets sidestepped for the newer and “hotter” talent.
4. It makes you actually respect the Divas as people – yeah shocking, tell that to Jerry Lawler.
6.The New Vince President of Talent Relations a/k/a John Laurinaitis in drag.
Sandow Knows Everything But…
He doesn’t know how to swim. So let’s get this straight. Cody Rhodes throws Sandow’s Money in the Bank into the ocean…and he can’t swim. The man has devoted his life to being the “intellectual savior of the masses” and a wrestling legend, BUT HE CAN’T SWIM! However, I will not bury Sandow for this, because that segment was funny as shit and continued the feud. But if he really wanted to get back at Cody for destroying a legal document such as Money in the Bank, maybe he should have hired David Otunga for legal counseling. Unless he’s too busy getting…
Let’s get real, Curtis Axel’s biggest enemy right now is Paul Heyman himself. The man who brought Michael McGillicutty back from hell and resurrected him as Curtis Axel is burying Curtis as we speak. It’s not crazy though, Heyman is in a big feud with Punk, but that doesn’t change the fact that Axel ain’t doing shit. Why isn’t Paul using his gimmick to get Curtis bigger and better matches? The old slogan “my clients don’t work for free” applies here. Paul could say “Curtis Axel is your current reigning, defending Intercontinental Champion and he deserves champion-level competition”. Get a big (ish) name like RVD to fight Axel! Why they’ve yet to acknowledge Paul and RVD’s past relationship is beyond me! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, either A) have RVD join the Heyman Guys, fight CM Punk, or B) give him have his own mini-war against Curtis Axel for the IC title. If you aren’t going to do anything with Rob, drop his ass. The man looks winded in the fucking ring and is just taking up space for someone younger to fill. I know this was a supposed to be a big shit all over Curtis, but Barry needs to give Rob Van Bland the fucking shovel!
Creative Didn’t Screw The Fans, The Fans screwed The Fans.
Firstly, let me just say, Quark is a fucking prophet. I called “Ryback Rules” as an offshoot of the Billy Madison quote “’O Doyle Rules.” Wouldn’t you know that Ryback’s new gimmick is that of a bully! Think a high school jock on molly. So yeah, one point to Quark, but no points to the fans. While the Ryback vs. Cena table match was cool and all, one may remember that we had this fight recently. While it’s a great match on free TV, I’d be pissed if I was one of the people who bought the Payback PPV where this match was on the card. However, rebooking is nothing new, so I won’t be burying creative for that infraction. But, I will be burying them for the lack of opponents for Cena. Vince McMahon made a great point – “I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO BEAT CENA”. Which leads to…
The John Cena Predicament
While Heel Vince doesn’t have the fans’ best interests in mind, he is still a heel, hence he wants Cena to fail. But don’t we all? As much as a I love D- Bry, I doubt he’s going to beat Cena, or if he does, it wont be clean. John Cena has: bested the Best in the World, shook The Rock, put Ryback through an ambulance, and AA’d Mark Henry. He’s unstoppable and to a degree I kind of love it, but he needs to lose. Problem is that the roster is so thin that there isn’t any anyone who can beat him clean and get away with it. So many people are to blame for this but it’s mostly creative’s fault. By making Cena so god-like they have written themselves into a hole. If he is champ too long, people just get bored, as there is legit NO ONE who can beat him. So, they need to strip it off of him. It was different with CM Punk as you were NEVER sure if he was going to walk out of the arena as the Champion. Cena takes all ambiguity out of the Championship, which is why it needs to go to someone who can actually lose.