Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Buried! In case this is your first time reading, let me start my telling you that Buried! is not for the faint of heart. The F -bomb will be dropped many times while I talk foul about the worst that the WWE has to offer. Nothing is safe as long as I troll the internet.
Total Divas should be renamed Total Dickheads, because everyone on that show is just a bad person. Total Divas follows the lives of several of WWE's female wrestlers. While non-believers are saying that the show is completely scripted, well, IT’S STILL REAL TO ME DAMNIT! Saying a reality show is scripted is like saying Quark isn’t funny, it’s a no brainer, but you will still try to enjoy it. But the things these Divas have done are just mean. Not evil, not even nasty, just down right rude. I could bury Eva Marie for pretending to be able to dance and become Fandango’s new bitch, but why her, when I could bury the biggest Diva himself: John Cena. John Cena lives in a fucking mansion. I can’t even think of a clever punch line to explain how big it is, its just huge! But the problem isn’t his extravagance, no, it's the fact that he borderline insults Daniel Bryan about it. But not to his face, because that’s what men do,but instead talks shit behind his back to Bryan’s girlfriend. Basically, Bryan lives in a quaint little home, and Cena tells Brie Bella “You really wanna live in dis piece of shit house, think of the raisin’ ya family, this is basic political socio-economics.” OK, he may not have channeled Brubaker there but you get the point. Cena, being the FACE (forever no heel turn) of the company, to say something as arrogant as this leads me believe that some of the show is actual reality. Because I doubt the WWE would allow footage to air of their megastar that makes him seem like a college jock douchebag.
Referee of the Millennium
A long time ago, Brad Maddox, who is now the General Manager of RAW, was nothing more than a lowly referee. The man was employed by (then GM) AJ Lee to I don’t know, give her the pipe and fuck up matches. Seriously Brad…couldn’t help but be a fuck up…
Seconds later, Ryback almost killed the kid…
Tonight, he was the referee in a Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett match, and if you expected a clean ending then you clearly haven’t been watching wrestling recently. You’re probably one of those people who watches Duck Dynasty instead and touches yourself at the same time. We know who you are. I’d bury Maddox, but that dude took a kick to the stomach like a champ. I couldn’t have done it better myself.
Seriously, Madox know’s he’s seconds away from internal bleeding.
The Beast vs. The Least
Let me not discourage the CM Punk fans, but there is a serious problem with “The Best vs. The Beast” match. Brock Lesnar would kill CM Punk. How can we even think for a moment that MMA champion Brock Lesnar can possible lose to CM Punk? I know CM Punk is considered one of the best wrestlers in the WWE, but don’t insult our intelligence by saying Brock would lose clean to Punk. The reason I say this is because it just doesn't make sense! If John Cena beat Brock, Brock beat HHH and HHH beat CM Punk, how can we expect Punk to beat Brock? Like, fuck no. Even though Punk will most likely go over clean, it still hurts my head thinking about it.
Even Brock, with his limited intelligence, can (confusingly) see past the bullshit.
The fans were screaming louder for HHH than Pat Patterson does for Fandango on a casting couch. How the people can love the man who released King of Kings is beyond me.
So as you know, I am the leader of the nQo( The New Quark Order). We strive to make RAW as bad as possible which makes Buried! as funny it can be for the fans. So far, me, the 3MB, and Big Show are all part of the gang. Wait, Big Show…what ever happened to him? A month ago my star poopil (pupil and poop, get it?!) was supposed to make RAW the worst of the summer. Imagine, ANOTHER Big Show title run – I can literally smell the turd from here. Many of you are wondering where he is as they can't wait for another horrendous RAW. Well lets just say, my boy Show has been hitting the gym. Show has lost his gut, most likely shit out all his “talent”, and will be back soon my friends.
Follow the Rosebuds or bloody leaves or chestnuts, whatever, fuck Bray Wyatt.
I’m one to criticize WWE for jumping the gun on a lot of storylines, but if this motherfucker Bray Wyatt don’t shut up I’m done with his sheep-loving ass! I don’t get the intro. You light up a fucking lantern then blow it out, then come out with a different lantern and it’s powered by a light bulb? Um..huh..wuh..why…how…how the fuck did that rocking chair get there?! Maybe the Wyatt Family is too busy promoting “You’re Next” then to worry about logic.
Oh and Big Show did come back…yay……#CarefulWhatYouWishFor