It has been a long time my friends. There have been many reasons as to where I have been. Some erroneous reports say that I was in college. Some claim I was in space. Another said I tried to submit “Buried to the Future II” as was promptly kicked off the site. There was one tweet which suggested that I should die for the WWE’s sins. I’m not here to fuel rumors, all I know is that I have risen baby! Buried! is back (for the 5th time this year).
The WWE Championship Picture
HOLY FUCK. This, ladies and gentlemen is why I said John Cena can’t be champion. In a storyline that would make Jesus weep, we have some of the best wrestlers and personalities in the word doing what they do best. First off, we got Randy Orton, who is finally a heel. After “stealing” the WWE Championship from Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton was thrust into being the “face of the company” by HHH. Meanwhile, HHH hired The Shield and has put the WWE under some sort of martial law, with folks like the Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, and Big Show getting humiliated just for speaking out against the new order. It is the epitome of an excellent story and one that will hopefully continue past Night of Champions!
Rhode to Stardom
In this entire WWE Dictatorship, it’s kind of crazy to believe that Cody Rhodes will come out as a main event star. While HHH is mostly dealing with the WWE Championship picture, it’s his involvement with the Rhodes family that sticks out to me. Cody was “fired” from the WWE (he’s on his honeymoon) so his brother Goldust fought to bring back his brother. First off, a Goldust sighting is always awesome, but there is now a possibility for a Dusty Rhodes vs. Vince match. You never know, the WWE has been doing some bold shit recently. It doesn’t matter, as by the end of all of this Cody will come back even more popular than before. Expect to see Cody by surprise at one of the up coming PPV’s.
Ryback- The Big Guy!
Ryback has gone from a Goldberg clone to awkward heel to easily one of my favorite WWE Superstars. Feed me more? Ryback Rules? No bitch, THE BIG GUY! That’s a fucking slogan I can get behind! The dude isn’t even villainous, no, he’s just a high school bully and he’s fucking hilarious! The Ryback, excuse me, The Big Guy, had no guidance, no nothing, but he was full of moxy and charisma and I couldn’t help but love him! I don’t even find him threatening to be honest, because he went from physically assaulting people, to just being a dick! Months ago, I said Ryback was just like the O’Doyles from Billy Madison with the whole Ryback Rulez tag line, and it seems to have come true! And with the Ryback presumably joining the Heyman Guys, we could see Ryback go on an epic run of BIG GUY proportions.
The Shield vs. The Wyatt Family
Remember when The Shield stood for justice? Me either. They aren’t martyrs, they’re body guards! Yeah, they’re like terrorists who say they have an agenda, but just want a lot of fucking moolah. But hey, at least The Shield are being used effectively, unlike their backwoods counterparts The Wyatt Family. People wondered why The Wyatt's took so long to premiere? It’s because there is nothing to fucking use them for! Attacking Dolph Ziggler? He’s already a jobber. Sheep Masks? It isn't even October yet! Flannel Shirts? So 1998. Wrestling Ability? Non existent. Buried? Oh my, yes.
The following people are all being BURIED! for many reasons. This is a shout out to you fucks!
Dolph Ziggler who zig zagged his way out of the title picture.
Ricardo Rodriguez who is somehow more irrelevant than his client RRRRRR-VVVVVV-DDDDDD.
Curtis Axel who wishes he could steal the show from CM Punk and Paul Heyman.
Big E Langston who can’t even make it on television.
Santino whose return was outclassed by Goldust.
Total Divas whose rating went to Total Shit.
The WWE promoting Darren Young JUST because he’s gay.
Titus O' Neil for getting passed over in favor of his less talented Tag Team Partner.
Big Show’s iron-clad contract for apparently having a loop-hole.
And Tuesday's economy taking a dive due to 50 percent of 18-34 year olds taking off work to play GTA V.
Night of Daniel Bryan….errr nevermind
Night of Champions, what a lame PPV. (It has always been lame let's get real.) Besides the aforementioned Ryback incident, nothing exciting happened at the PPV. Yes, Daniel Bryan may have left as WWE Champion, but don’t hold your breath. Bryan may have won, but the 3-count made by Scott Armstrong was “extremely fast”. Fast enough to cause HHH to strip the belt from Bryan and give it right back to Randy Orton. While many will have a problem with this, I love it. It’s already known that Bryan can out-wrestle Orton, so making it that Daniel wins every fight but is screwed every time just thickens the plot. It puts Bryan over even more, puts more heat on HHH, and makes Randy look like an even bigger coward than he is already. You know for a fact that the creative team is having a field day just thinking of ways to screw Bryan. I hope Bryan becomes a 16-time Champion by the time he actually gets to keep the belt for more than a day.