SS2013 Poster

Summer Slam is titled “The Biggest Event of the Summer”. Even if I find that to be untrue and think of Summer Slam as “The Biggest Letdown of  the Summer”, it will still be interesting to watch. Summer Slam is always the most controversial pay-per-view of the year. 2011 brought us Kevin Nash and an Alberto Del Rio cash-in while 2012 had Lesnar destroying HHH. What will 2013 bring, I have no idea -but I have some predictions.

All Predictions are apparently sponsored by Doritos Jacked. (Which are good as fuck.)

Pre-match: Dean Ambrose (C) vs. Rob Van Dam – United States Championship

Oh my, oh my. I’d like to say one thing…I am not a fan of RVD. Back in the day, he was the man but now, his 5-star frog splash looks like a 3-star pancake. He just looks deflated out in the ring. Someone get the soul of Chris Benoit and inject some energy into the guy! I am clearly not alone in my sentiments on RVD, as the WWE is booking him in a pre-show! While it’s acceptable for the up and coming Dean Ambrose to defend his US Title in a pre-show match, RVD deserves better. He’s paid his dues in this business. Due to the fact that the WWE doesn’t seem to care about RVD and that The Shield is still HOT, I predict Ambrose retaining.

Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow

This is a match that I can see being dropped due to time. Although their rivalry may be heating up, there aren’t any stipulations. While many predicted a match over Sandow’s MiTB, that simply did not happen. Maybe if Cody wins at Summer Slam we could see that at the next PPV. That is why I see Cody winning.  There is no reason for Sandow to win and end the feud there. Unless…

Alberto Del Rio (C) vs. Christian – World Heavyweight Championship

Christian is the Tommy Dreamer of the WWE. We love to see the guy lose to have his infamous “one more match.” Giving him a belt is crime! The dude is a bore and a half! That’s not to say Alberto is any better, but granted, he’s gotten better. Christian’s title shot just seems like the WWE giving the guy a favor for keeping him on the shelf for so long and stripping him of the Intercontinental Championship. To be honest, I predict WWE screwing Christian again because that’s what we want to see. I hope Christian wins the belt, then Sandow cashes in. Now that’s a Summer Slam!

Kane vs. Bray Wyatt– Ring Of Fire Match

Bray wins and Kane goes to film See No Evil 2, fuck this match.

Team Ziggler vs. Team Big E

I was shocked that the WWE put Ziggler versus Big E on free TV. I am even happier that they aren’t forcing a rematch at Summer Slam. The mixed tag match to advance multiple angles is a good idea. Will Ziggler win, will Kaityln get a title shot, will Big E and AJ fall in love, will Ziggler and Kaitlyn become a couple, or will Big E turn face? There are so many interesting variables that it is hard to say who will win. But my money is on Ziggler. Considering he’s been getting screwed royally by his old cohorts for months, it’s time he gets the upper hand. I predict a Ziggler win which will finally catapult him BACK into the championship picture.

Natalya vs. Brie Bella

The Bella’s will win. This isn’t a prediction, this is fact. The WWE loves The Bellas because E! loves The Bellas. I’m going to take a big fat shit during this bout, so I won’t even be able to see the winner until after I wipe. Maybe if we get that rumored appearance by Buried! Alumna Maria Menounos I’ll be interested, but I doubt it.

CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar

What just may be the most electric match of the night is also the most ridiculous. In the real world, Brock would eat Punk as an appetizer before dinner! But in the magical world of the WWE, Punk can hold his own. And what a match it will be! Punk is the ultimate guy to bring out the best in the beast. Punk has made John Cena look like a ring god, so I expect the same with Lesnar. With that said, I fully expect CM Punk to win, allowing him to bounce back from The Rock, The Undertaker and the betrayal from Paul Heyman.

John Cena (C) vs. Daniel BryanWWE Championship

This is it – the big one, what we have all been waiting for… John Cena to fuck up Daniel Bryan‘s flow. With Cena rumored to have an elbow injury, don’t expect  him to keep the belt or put on a great match. There’s a lot that could happen in this match. But I expect Bryan to go over and defeat John Cena. No, not win, but CRUSH Cena! Then, as he celebrates, Randy Orton cashes in! Daniel Bryan not only gets the super respect he deserves, but also turn Randy Orton into a mega heel! So yes, I predict  a Daniel Bryan victory, and whatever happens afterwards is fine with me.