Let’s get ready to bury! After last week's complete dog shit episode of RAW, the WWE better redeem themselves. If not, I fear the Buried! Boys will have to dig up Paul Bearer’s body and crucify him. (But once again, no disrespect!)
Speaking of Paul, the bunch of pansy, diaper wearing pussies who think that CM Punk mocking Mr. Bearer is a bad idea need to grow up. They sit here and say that the WWE needs to get the ‘F back in, a/k/a going back to the Attitude Era…but yet cry about this? The Attitude Era was when Big Boss Man stole Big Show’s father’s coffin, but this is too far? Fuck outta here! At least Paul Heyman is back to his old job as trophy holder.
Back to the babies. They bitch that the show's too kid friendly with Cena straight reppin’ on the Fruity Pebbles Box. They bitch that it’s too harsh with Punk. But seriously, CM Punk is the bad guy! He is the villain. He’s part of Heyman’s Hustle! You really expected Punk to ignore Bearer’s death! Fuck outta here! That’s like a dog NOT sniffing another dog's ass. It just doesn’t happen. Punk however, makes a great point: “Twenty and Zero. Twenty times he has stepped out here and has won, and that’s how it should have ended. With him, Shawn Michaels and HHH standing together with their arms up, a storybook ending. But he ruined by showing up at my show and pointing at my sign!” Even though ‘Taker came out to attack Punk, I think The Best in the World will win at ‘Mania, just listen to this awe-inspiring quote “Rest is something I’ve never been afforded, and peace is something I’ve never lived with”. Christ, when the lights went off, I think Undertaker had to take a cab ride just to get to the ring, old fuck. Let’s just hope it’s not too cold at ‘Mania, Taker might get pneumonia and die right before his match.
Cena and Rock facing off again. *Spit* This is main event quality. How can anyone even care about their upcoming match, they have had a spot only twice in the past two months. Pathetic. I blame The Rock, considering he couldn’t even be at RAW. Shit, he couldn’t even promote the WWE while on The Tonight Show. Dude showed up sans belt – Leno doesn’t even give a fuck about ‘Mania this year. I bet he texted The Rock, no fuck it, he Instagrammed The Rock and told him to keep that piece of shit belt at home. Rock probably doesn’t even keep it at his house. He probably leaves it in his cat’s litter box, to do exactly what The Rock has done, shit on the title.
Time for a new segment I call “Badass Booking”! Remember “Purely Speculation”? Well, it’s the same thing, just with a new name and no pictures of food. Anyway, let’s talk about Dolph Ziggler. Dude has been Buried, not by us though. For us to bury Dolph, he would actually have to be on TV. All he has done is come out and lose, that’s it. That’s like picking on Zack Ryder or John Blade, it’s just sad. But I know the way to turn him around: ‘Mania! Imagine if Ziggy and Big E win the tag belts and Jack Swagger wins the Heavy Weight Championship. Then, Ziggler cashes in on Swagger.
This would not only force Alberto Del Rio out of the title spot (thank god), but also punish Swagger for the DUI several months ago. Cashing in launches the two former teammates into a feud. Ziggler would eventually win the overall feud (with help of course) and this would let Jack Swagger pursue other options. Eventually, he would want to go after the U.S Championship, but he has to make it through the belt's new owner, Alberto Del Rio. Swagger would finally, truly defeat Del Rio and bring recognition to the newly named “American Championship.” Imagine that, now that’s some Bad Ass Booking.
Props to Fandango for shutting up the Philadelphia audience immediately after delivering a leg drop to Jericho’s neck. Then Michael Cole referenced Muhammad Ali and then my mind went…
Speaking of Cesaro, I love how he got a better pop than Alberto. I like his new shirt, shit’s mega fresh, I want one. Seriously, the crowd was sitting in ovation for Alberto. Truly in meh they were. Their eyes couldn’t look away from their laps. Speaking of not giving a shit, Team Hell No. It’s the opposite of what I say when I see the Prime Time Players. Those guys are easily the funniest/funkiest guys in the WWE. I’m even going to be that dickhead when I say the PTP are the future of the WWE. At least Titus O Neil. The mother fucker is gold. Speaking of stereotyped blacks, whatever happened to R-Truth and Kofi Kingston? Maybe it’s like The Walking Dead, two new black guys show up so they kill off T Dog and Kofi.
I was going to bury HHH for burying Wade Barrett, but I can’t as he is apparently Iron Sheik Class.
Team Sheikie Baby!
Kaitlyn, what is she doing on TV? Oh yea,h she’s the Divas Champ. At least she set up AJ totally taking her belt at ‘Mania, that’s nice I guess. Um… plot? Anyway, after two years of built-up anger and sexual tension, John Cena and The Rock finally had a GOOD pre-WrestleMania promo. Given The Rock's sporadic appearances, this will most likely be the last one, and damn was it good. Hell, they even justified why they are fighting for a second time. Cena giving Rock the duck lips cross you can't see me was thuganomical. Rock’s retaliatory face was just priceless though, wait…enhance zoom.