Hello and welcome to a surprise Spotlight Edition of Buried! This week's RAW made me come to a shocking discovery. The Chairman, Vince McMahon, has not yet had the pleasure of being in the Buried! spotlight. How could we forget the man who runs the company we bury every week? Every shitty idea and storyline we're forced to endure has gone through him and he signs off on them. Well, I've come to my senses and I present to you, Buried! Spotlight: Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
Let's begin with his most recent incident: Brock Lesnar came out and destroyed him in the middle of the ring this week. Now, instead of leaving the ring like any sensible 67-year-old man would do, his ego got in the way and he was obliterated courtesy of an F-5 from Lesnar. There he laid, a crumpled heap of a man, very similar to Manny Pacquiao.
Now, supposedly he has to undergo surgery due to the F-5 he ate. He has no one to blame but himself. Vince McMahon has a huge ego, so I'm sure he went out there thinking, “I can take this bump. I'm Vincent Kennedy McMahon damn it! It's my company, I'll do as I damn please.” (Read that quote in your best Vince McMahon voice for best effect.) What he fails to realize is that he's 67 and just isn't built to be taking those hits. A bad bump just becomes worse when you include a man of his age. It serves him right, maybe it'll teach him to stay out of the ring. Vince probably has a huge poster of his Muscle & Fitness cover from a few years ago, and he just stares at it like a mirror before he goes out to the ring.
What really gets me about this segment was that no one on the locker room decided to come out and save him. Not The Rock, John Cena, Zack Ryder, any kind of security. Not a single fuck was given in that building about the boss' safety. No one valued their job enough to go and get Vince out of a dangerous situation. Everyone's personal animosity towards Vince outweighed their necessity for a paycheck. Look at this way, I may hate Quark and everything about him, but if Brock Lesnar is trying to kill him, of course I'm going to try to help. It's for the sake of business, you have to put personal feelings aside sometimes and do something that will benefit you. But not for Vince – the immense hatred of Vince McMahon caused everyone to just stand back and watch his demise. A recent study showed that there is a 100% disapproval rating of Vince in the WWE locker room. There are good reasons for that though, Vince is pure evil, he makes Paul Heyman seem like Mother Teresa. Like he can do no wrong. If Satan had a human form, it would be Vince McMahon.
An obvious example is Good ‘Ol J.R. The man gives his heart and soul to the company, you can hear the passion in voice when he's doing commentary. He could make a Big Show match seem exciting. As payment, Vince publicly humiliates at every opportunity. J.R. has been set on fire, put in matches and fired about 30 times. He's had to kiss Vince's pasty white ass, and Vince mocked him for having occasional facial paralysis. All of this on public television! Vince mocking him is terrible, but let's dial it back a bit. J.R. had to literally put his lips ON his boss' ass, in the middle of a ring, on public television.
J.R. isn't the first nor the last person to have had to suffer this huge injustice. Legendary superstars like William Regal, Shawn Michaels, both his sons, Shane and his illegitimate son Hornswaggle, also had to kiss Vince McMahon's ass on public television. Oh yeah, Hornswaggle as Vince's bastard son was a thing. Just take a second and let that sink in.
But Vince's ego is so astronomical, that he thought kissing his ass should be an honor. So we have the “Kiss My Ass Club”. Who else but the devil himself would come up with such a disgraceful concept? Kissing ass is common within a company, but I don't think anyone values their job enough to publicly plant their lips on their boss' ass.
Then there was Bret Hart. This scandal shares shocking similarities with the O.J. Simpson case. The accepted phrase is that “Bret screwed Bret.” but you can't pull the wool over our eyes! Anyone with a brain knows that it's Vince that screwed Bret.
Is anyone safe from the wrath of Vincent Kennedy McMahon? Certainly not his family, they're abused physically and mentally by Vince more than anyone. This man has had his daughter kidnapped, had matches with both of his kids, divorced his wife on television, publicly cheated on her with any Diva he could, and has beaten his son repeatedly. Vince has absolutely no shame whatsoever.
I think his worst crime toward his family was committed last year. Supporting his wife's campaign for Senate, while being fully aware she had no chance of winning. All the things I've mentioned here, plus every other terrible incident that has been committed in the company, were all going to blow up in her face. Vince had to be aware of this, yet he still went along with her. Vince doesn't care about anyone but himself. He will allow his talent to work insane schedules, then when they stop selling merch or they lose popularity he drops them in a heartbeat. Unless you're at least 6'5″ and 250 lbs. If not, then you're completely expendable. He doesn't do what's best for business, he does whats best for his own amusement. He had Mae Young give birth to a hand! What purpose does that serve besides stimulating his own sick sense of humor? A hand, she gave birth to a damn hand!
Even Mark Henry has admitted that he was completely confused as to why this happened. But that's what happens when you work for Lucifer, you get put into strange situations and you have to go with it. I can't imagine what it must be like working so hard to get to the top of the pro wrestling industry, the WWE, to only get abused by Vince McMahon. A wise man once said, “I'd like to think this company will be better off after Vince McMahon's dead.” Although I'm not one to wish death on people it would certainly be interesting to see how the company would be under new management. Here lies the man who has destroyed the lives of many great and even not so great wrestlers. Vince McMahon…. BURIED!
Be sure to follow me on Twitter @JohnUButler for many more rants and outbursts about the WWE.
- WWE News: Vince McMahon Allegedly Suffered a Broken Pelvis (bleacherreport.com)
- Buried! WWE Raw (1/28/13) (mytakeradio.com)