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Fall TV First Impression – Charlie’s Angels

Airs: ABC / Thursdays at 8PM EST / 7PM C

Cast:  Minka Kelly plays Eve French

Annie Ilonzeh plays Kate Prince

Rachael Taylor plays Abby Sampson

Ramon Rodriguez plays John Bosley

Victor Garber is the voice of Charlie

Plot Syn­op­sis: Come on, this is a reboot, so you already know the basics. Three “Angels” who work for The Townsend Agency, owned by “voice ina box” Charlie Townsend fight crime and kick ass using their respective talents. Combine those “talents” with sexy outfits and yachts and you have the premise of this show. Smallville creators Alfred Gough and Miles Millar executive produce this reboot, and I held a shred of hope that it would work. But alas…so does Drew Barrymore.

Here's how the Angels line up: Abby is a rich girl /cat burglar whose dad is also financially crooked. Gloria was a Marine with a dishonorable discharge and Kate was a detective with Miami PD who found herself corrupted by criminals. All ousted or caught, they got their second chance at The Townsend Agency.

The 3 Angels, Abby, Kate and Gloria, save a kidnapped girl from a South American sex trafficker known as “Pajaro” inside a Miami hotel. Once done, they go to celebrate, and Gloria’s car blows up. (Well, you knew Minka Kelly had to get into the Angels somehow.) Poorly acting being sad and devastated, the living Angels make the plan to being her killer to justice. On surveillance, Bosley finds a girl leaving the scene of the crime with the same tattoo that Gloria had. That girl? You guessed it. Eve French (Kelly). Eve lives on a houseboat, so they go to pay her a visit. Before they become BFF’s, that visit gets cut short by means of a helicopter and shooter trying to kill Eve.

Back at the Agency, Eve reveals she grew up with Gloria in an El Salvadorian orphanage, then they joined a car-boosting gang.  Eve eventually got caught and went to jail, and Gloria enlisted in the army. She recently was released from prison and Gloria was helping her get back on her feet. Gloria also wanted Eve’s help with a case – something the Angels knew nothing about. They all go to Gloria’s apartment for answers which, shockingly, has been ransacked. They find a hidden floor safe, Abby cracks it, and inside is a DNA analysis and a photograph. Eve recognizes the photo as Pajaro. (Nice little tie-in.) Turns out that back in El Salvador, Gloria and Eve escaped Pajaro’s grasp, and they vowed to kill him. This allows Charlie to put Eve on the case as well. (You do need 3 angels, after all.)

They decide to catch Pajaro using his pretty Russian associate, Nadia during a party. Since this new Bosley isn’t Bernie Mac, they use him to seduce Nadia and kidnap her to get some intel. Meanwhile, Eve gets caught by Pajaro, and is the lucky one to get tortured by him, since he recognizes her. The Angels get their intel, and go to save Eve. Some fighting ensues, they save the rest of the girls he has captive, save Eve, and all gets wrapped up nicely in a pretty bow. The next course of business? Eve is now an official Angel.

Plot Thoughts: I tried. I really did. I tried to get past Minka Kelly’s annoying mouse voice and Rachael Taylor’s HORRID hairstyles. But the bottom line about this show is that it should never have been remade. The fights are terrible, stories feel rushed and the dialogue is predictably campy. You knew from the camera angle that Gloria’s car was exploding. You knew they weren’t really on a plane bringing Nadia back toMoscow. Maybe I expect too much from shows, but I don’t want to know something is coming. It ruins the GASP factor that I live for.

The reason this show was made was to have glamorously dressed gorgeous women running around in heels to put the bad guy away, with the occasional iPad plug, set against a pretty backdrop. And yes, I know the original was that way too (minus the iPads) – but is it too much to ask for real heroines these days?

Decision: Stick to The Vampire Diaries at 8pm. If you must drain your brain fluids, go at it via DVR only, so you have to option of fast-forward. The campy nature of this show should have made it stay in the 70’s with the big hair.