OK so I get it now. WWE was playing a grand joke on all of us. It is very apparent that they must have known all along that the NXT: Redemption (that is such an oxymoron at this point I can't even talk about it!) Rookies have about as much charisma as wet tissue paper run over repeatedly by an SUV. But I have figured it out now, NXT: Redemption was all a cover for the real break out star they intended to promote all along.

MARYSE!

Absolutely! This has to be the answer, because if it is not—I wanna know why the hell she is more interesting and has more character development than any of these yahoos on the show getting in the ring. So last week kicked off the European leg of WWE's World Tour. The crowd in London was feeling the moment—that is right up until the rookies actually got an introduction. Out of six rookies on the ramp, you know who got the loudest pop?

Titus?

Noooo. . .though he did bark pretty loud.

Oh you talked me into it. I will give you a hint. She's blond, with mile long legs and a peculiar French accent. Keep trying you'll get it! While you think about it, let's look at the deliciously moronic NXT Challenge for Redemption points that opened the show. I wish I had a name for it, but since WWE didn't give it one let's just call it Yank-A-Future-Endeavor (cause we all know that's where some of these guys (if not all) are headed anyway.). So the premise was a tug of war on pillar posts. With you guessed it, Maryse as judge (it's her show tonight what else would she be doing?). First up, Byron and Conor. Byron falls off his pillar with what has to be the WORSE tug of war over sell in history.

 

Next up Darren and Jacob, they look like they were trying for a bitch slap-a-thon instead of a tug of war. Then Maryse calls Jacob winner even though technically not only did he reach pass his tug side he also came off the pillar and impacted first and on his back. Darren landed feet first and technically didn't cheat. By hey it's the Maryse show so whatever she saw must be what happened.

Moving on.

The pimp and the dog up next. Sorry…..Titus and Lucky. Lucky immediately called out Titus for a cheat and stole a win. Maryse apparently loves jerks and sends Lucky through to the finals. Jacob and Conor then battle for the last slot, Jacob coming out with the win. Someone really should teach that dude HOW a tug of war works. Also if you haven't figured out yet this was all a set up to get the LEAST interesting guys on the whole show some points, I don't know what to tell you. Why I can't just vote them off, is beyond me. Would have made this stupid excuse for a show wrap up the first week, or by the second week at the very latest. Lucky and Jacob do some awkward tugging that looked ridiculous. Lucky throws a tantrum (5 year old style) and Jacob get the win with the disqualification of Lucky. Then more Lucky scream time about his inherent fabulousness (that is definitely all in his own head). We get to wash it all down with Lucky chasing Jacob backstage, because the former was playing with Lucky's robe. Yea I don't get it either.

JTG introduced Jacob Novak. While I am not sure if London knew “What's really hood?” I do still wonder why WWE has YET to do anything of significance with JTG as a singles wrestler. Novak cuts a crap promo, and used the trite insult the host country gimmick. FYI Novak, we’re revoking your US citizenship after that debacle of a promo. Jacob then takes a shot at William Regal which was kinda pointless to me. Had the WWE writers had a lick of sense between their pens and their brains, they would have now known what a great opportunity it would be to have Novak defend his pros honor to Regal (since Regal insults JTG in commentary every chance he gets.). This would have given the feud some grounding. This, however is WWE so of course so we get no such build up anymore, instead we get Conor to call Jacob out for a random match. Because WWE booking has been oh so very logical in the last few years.

So now for some random Novak on O'Brian. This was rather a snooze for me, O'Brian and Novak, both being rather brawler-ish in style aren't really nothing new. Novak did come out with a series of leg drops on O'Brian's neck that were pretty sweet. With the exception of the leg drops, the match was nothing special, and both guys are mostly power over style (which in the ring tends to read out a little sloppy). Jacob continued to heckle William Regal, and Regal then tried to sell us on it (someone must have pointed out how the feud is a touch outta nowhere). Conor takes the win with a cradle pin on a supposedly Regal distracted Novak. Novak loses his sauce on Regal and the announcer table, and no one was sold on any of it, cause the audience was popping awkwardly.

Some pointless WWE swag ads, followed by a creepy backstage with Maryse and Yoshi, because hey it's her show tonight. I was honestly a little horrified and why does WWE keep sticking Maryse with random guys and what happen to DiBiase? Better yet…… what happen to Striker?!

The next match was Darren Young Vs………………………………Hornswoggle (oh come on….don't act like you didn't KNOW this was coming with Darren saddled with Chavo as a pro!) Plus I mean what else can they possible do—what with all the times we've seen Darren and Titus go up against each other. I don't get that either the strongest ring talent you keep having face each other. Mix it up more WWE—geez!

So Chavo to punish Darren for supposedly saying he could beat Hornswoggle with a hand tied behind his back (unlike Chavo who last year got regularly owned by Hornswoggle in and out of multiple Halloween get-ups.), Chavo ties Darren’s arm behind his back. Do I even have to go into details on how this is likely gonna end? But wait……there’s more Chavo blindfolds Darren too (cause in WWE land “some” humiliation is not enough, one must have their pride shredded to make it truly a Vinnie Mac production). From there it was standard Hornswoggle antics. I feel like I should point out Hornswoggle could barely lift Darren’s leg for the pin.

I really can’t believe I watch this crap sometimes.

Lastly the “main event” (is WWE serious with the “main event” stuff? Lucky’s name and main event should never be in the same sentence)! Tag Team match of Yoshi & Byron Vs Lucky & Tyson Kidd. I’m humming “Three of these things” in my head as I type those names. Byron tries to lock it up with Lucky, but Lucky claims “I want Yoshi” (gamers giggle to yourselves please). Maryse (whom I know has taken out Striker for the night), sashays out to sit for Yoshi (?)—And DiBiase is……………..? So Yoshi gets in the ring with Lucky, tosses out a few weak kicks that I can barely hear, and Lucky punks out to tag in Tyson. Wise decision on Lucky’s part, cause we all saw the nearly dropped Yoshi on past episodes. So Tyson in and he and Yoshi put on a bit of a speedier performance, which leaves you wondering why WWE continues to drop the ball on the exciting cruiserweight talent in their promotion.

Yoshi tags Byron in and while he is definitely not speediest thing to step in the ring, he does do a decent work up on grounding Tyson. Commercial break (really WWE?! On a stream?!) Though the Kia Stevens promo is S-W-E-E-T, I can’t WAIT until she debuts! Unlike Sin Cara I know Kia can work in any situation (and yes that was my “Indy wrestlers are better” plug for the night.). Lucky and Byron in the ring, doing a whole lot of nothing. Tyson back in on the tag, and Kidd and Cannon both work their heel personas. I like Tyson but I am kinda sad he is a heel, just because heel in WWE usually means no high spots. That can be crippling for wrestlers like Tyson and others in WWE, who have a primarily exciting flier like move set. In addition, Lucky is no help because he can’t act his way out a paper bag, nor is he really imposing to fit an enforcer persona. Tyson and Yoshi tried to keep the excitement when they were in together but when you have no tandem psychology (or you just have a suck partner as Kidd did), it doesn’t do much for match pacing. So the finish was a little weak on a pretty mediocre match (and that is no fault of Kidds—cause he use to bang out some really killer stuff with DH Smith). Lucky goes for the cheat distraction (hitting on Maryse of course), and Tyson gets the pin on Yoshi.

And that wraps up NXT: The Maryse Edition. Thank God……

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