Ladies and fuckers, the title does not lie. It really has been an entire year. 365 days ago we buried WrestleMania 28 and 7 days before that delivered the first ever Buried! to the masses. It’s pretty amazing how far we have come, so I thought we would take a quick look back before we move on to the future.
The Buried Alumni
I still don’t know who the fuck those two guys are. Anyway, the Buried! Alumni are four extraordinarily boring members of this fine WWE Universe who were lame enough to be featured in the very first Buried! However, they all hold a special place in my heart, so I want to see how Blade and I have changed their lives for the better since last year. Maria Menounos, the first person to EVER be buried, was on the Annoying Orange Show. Oh…well, that sucks. Hopefully Curt Hawkins is doing bet… he lost his only tag team partner, tore his meniscus, and has been relegated to Saturday Morning Slam. Shit! JERRY THE KING, he’s still on TV and doing pretty…he had a fucking heart attack and was My Take Radio’s Mister Six Feet Under 2012….Nevermind, at least we still have my boy Big Johnny Ace…who was off TV for over 8 months and was rockbottomed by The Rock. I’m so sorry…that original article is Buried! for all the harm it has done.
Enough of the nostalgia for now, lets move onto something we are already sick of: Team 3MB vs. Team BBB. Who is Team BBB you may ask. Well kids, Big Show, Randy Orton and Sheamus make up Team Big, Bland and Boring. This team was made up simply due to the fact that these top faces (yes Big Show is a fucking face again) have nothing to do at ‘Mania…besides lose! But no wonder they are going to lose, their only training has been against the Dan Hibiki’s of the WWE, Team 3MB. Who the hell cares.
I’m going back to Jerry “The King” Lawler. I hate how he’s shocked that Zeb is going to be in his first WWE match. Problem Jerry, you blatantly said a few weeks ago that he was actually Dutch Mantell. Yes everyone is fully aware that Zeb is NOT actually Swagger’s uncle. But don’t lie to my fucking face Jerry when you say he has never wrestled. I don’t understand the WWE. Why can’t they just say Dutch changed his name to Zeb, because he doesn’t want to be associated with anything Un-American. Hell, they could even say Dutch adopted Jack Swagger, I don’t fucking know. Wait…Jerry King said he never wrestled in the WWE…because he didn’t, it was still the WWF at that time. Damn…
With that being said, here are my quick predictions for the winners of WrestleMania 29.
Del Rio (fuck), The Shield, The Miz, Undertaker(by DQ), Big E and Ziggy, AJ Lee(if there is a Divas match), Ryback, Cesaro (if he gets thrown into something last minute) Triple H, and of course, John Cena.
Before I go, I want to bury one man who has taken this article to the pinnacle of absolution for the past year. That man, is non other than me, Mr. Spunky “Quark” Adams. Yes Buried! fans it is time to put me down in the dirt as I talk about some of the most ridiculous moments since the beginning of Buried! To think, I was locked up in a basement by my ex-editor and was forced to suck the proverbial dick of Mr. People Power, had (have) more spelling errors than a drunken redditor, cried about my bad fans, was replaced by a Brony and a lawyer, almost sent John Blade to prison, and barely wrote for the Buried! Awards. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a shmuck, but I am forever grateful for the readers for tuning in every week and My Take Radio for letting me talk dat’ shit, but until next time, I’m…
- Buried! WWE RAW (3/25/13) (mytakeradio.com)
- Buried! WWE RAW (3/18/13) (mytakeradio.com)