When we last left Archer, things were not looking up for the good guys, at least not most of them. Archer found out the hard way that he drinks too much when he wakes to find out that he had sex with Pam. He then has to utilize his master spy skills to hide the truth from, well everyone, especially when he keeps having sex with Pam because he loves it so much. Moving on, there is the return of Bionic Barry who is on a bit of rampage. He took Nikolai Jakov’s job as head of the KGB and anticipating his defection, had sleeper agents disavow his intel. And just as Archer was warming up to the possibility that Jakov may be his father, Barry kills him, crushing Archer emotionally. Things cannot get much worse for our “hero.” Problem is, every time someone says that, something worse happens.
ROBOCOOCH Kreiger gives Archer the surprise of his life when he presents his (previously deceased) fiancée Katya to him. Last we saw her, she kinda turned into street pizza, so Archer is wondering how she is alive. Kreiger briefly explains that he rebuilt her as a cyborg, Her memories are intact and she is still in love with Archer. Despite his rampage of debauchery in the French Polynesian Islands (after which he’d forgotten her name), he still loves her as well. After convincing Malory to make her a probationary hire in ISIS, Archer tries to pick up where the couple left off, albeit a little bit backwards. First they consummate and then he proposes marriage again. And just like last time, Barry breaks up the ceremony, this time with a bit of a twist. Someone always seems to get in the way of Archer’s happiness. In that sense he is a bit of a tragic hero; but who am I kidding, that idiot usually gets in the way of his own happiness.
ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL Leave it to Kreiger to screw up while succeeding at the same time. He brought Katya back from the dead and she is just as hot as before. That wasn’t good enough for him so he had to go and install a removable, vibrating vagina that makes men go crazy at the mere mention of it. I guess it was a good thing since, unbeknownst to Kreiger, something had to get Archer’s mind off the mind numbing sex with Pam. The problem is that people like sex fiend Cyril hear about it and want in (literally) to the point where Archer has to repeatedly smack him. And when Barry shows up, he finally gets revenge on Archer for taking his fiancée (anally) back in season one. Katya says that she found a soul mate in Barry since they are both cyborgs now and asks not that Archer forgive her, just that he be happy for her. Barry (along with other Barry) just feel it necessary to remind Archer that “it” vibrates.
WHO THE HELL IS OTHER BARRY? Barry Dillon has been put through a lot by Archer. Before the series even started, he (accidentally) dropped Barry off a building, shattering his leg. Then he took his then fiancée (anally no less). And let’s not forget the second time he dropped Barry off a building (again accidentally). This time, he lost a leg and would be wheelchair bound if not for Russian science. To say that Barry was upset with Sterling would be an understatement. Barry also seems to have gone insane somewhere along the way as the emergence of Other Barry became more and more prevalent. One would think he was satisfied when Katya died, but Barry came back and killed Nikolai Jakov. Now he has taken Katya away from Sterling a second time. Has Dillon’s rage been sated or will Archer still have to deal with him? Only time will tell.
Up until now, things always seemed to go Archer’s way. Even in defeat, he used to find some small measure of happiness or manage to piss someone off. This time, there is no snarky comment; Katya is gone, his mother is being the classic smug bitch she always has been and Lana’s comforting words, while appreciated, do little for him. The world’s greatest (self-proclaimed) secret agent deserves to be happy; everyone deserves it. Maybe if the dummy stopped treating Lana so poorly and realized she still loves him, he would find it. Her vagina may not vibrate, but ol’ truckasaurus hands is still one fine piece o’ ass.
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