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Slick’s Nit-Picks: Jackass 3-D

Every now and again, there comes a movie that defines a generation. A piece of work that speaks to either a race, gender or subculture. Ladies and gentlemen, I must sadly report to you that the Jackass trilogy actually does count as such a piece of work. If you are an 80s baby, the odds are that at some point in your storied history you have done something completely idiotic, whether intentionally or accidentally, that technically could have appeared in one of these films. If you are a 90s baby, odds are you may be doing something jackass right this moment. Basically, this movie is a tribute to us all and should be given its proper respect as such – but not much else.


This movie has no plot and no point; it has no story to even speak of. It is simply an extra long, unedited and completely uncensored episode of Jackass. It has unforgettably stupid yet hysterical moments like the high five which everyone has seen in the trailer a million times (yes, it is still funny). Then there are some “oh my God – Sweet God in Heaven why did you give me eyes?” moments like the stunt I affectionately call “The Anal Volcano.” There is even a clip in the movie that made me long for the good ol’ days of sitting in an IMAX theater with Rich and have our eyes assaulted by the five blue cocks of Dr. Manhattan. If my last comment has caused you some fear – good because you most definitely should be afraid.

Steve-O, the leopard bikini wearing member of the crew has long been a daredevil even amongst the rest of the jackass crew. Jackass 3D shows us a softer side of Steve-O as we learn that a man who will jump in the ocean with sharks, run around with crocodiles and let baby crocs bite his nipples…is oddly claustrophobic. You almost feel sorry for him when he looks and sounds like he just wants to cry in one particular stunt. Then you laugh at him and convulse at the same time as he screams in terror and ‘really gets immersed in his work.” There is nothing more I care to say on that subject and I am totally serious about that.

Johnny Knoxville, how is this man not dead yet? If you look at the poster, that really is him hanging from a telephone pole with an attack dog hanging from him as it viciously munches on his ass. No, that is not fake and how dare you accuse these morons of faking anything. Hiding from a bull by camouflaging himself (someone please tell him bulls are color blind), being blown up, dropped out of a giant tree and anything else you can imagine, you have to think someone like this would be crippled for life. This is the reason the show and movies have always started with the warning to not repeat what they do and it is the reason I never feel remorse for the idiots that ignore said warnings. Look at this above picture – when that bull hit him, pay attention to how he hits the ground and I will not be surprised if he never does another stunt again.

There really is nothing much else to say. This movie has no redeeming value whatsoever and I can only say go watch it if you want a good laugh and especially only watch it if you can sit and laugh at pure, unadulterated stupidity. I would go see it again with a group of friends, I will buy it on video and I am really glad that none of these guys died. If you need more reason to go see Jackass 3D, this is all that I can say:

  • The movie has an introduction done by Beavis & Butt-Head
  • Preston Lacy is Cloverfield
  • Pissin’ in the wind
  • A cock rocket that would make Orgasmo cry
  • Playing the trumpet with your ass
  • The Lamborghini tooth pull