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Slick’s Nit-Picks: Archer, Episode 304 – “The Man From Jupiter”


Archer has been through a real gauntlet recently. He has had to fight everything from kidnappers to terrorists to cancer to statutory rape charges. Let's not even go into how he is paying child support on Cyril's illegitimate child (which is some real poetic justice when you think about it). Regardless of his troubles, Sterling has managed to maintain a carefree attitude of selfishness, mostly. On three separate occasions we have seen him show genuine feelings for people and in those brief moments we have seen a more mature, more adult Sterling Archer. Could the days of the shoot first, ask stupid questions later playboy be coming to an end? I would not recommend holding your breath on that one.


CANNONBALL RUN Archer strikes out on a threesome right in front of his one and only hero, Burt Reynolds. To his horror, he learns that Burt is dating Malory and the world's most dangerous spy decides that it has to end. He kidnaps Burt and makes his mother think she has been dumped. All of this happens in the midst of a Cuban hit squad attempting to end Archer. The most idiotic kidnapping since Pam was mistaken for Cheryl turns into a chase scene the Blues Brothers would have been proud of. The unofficial start of Archer season three made the wait since Heart of Archness more than worth it. We were treated to cars, cops, guns and the return of Krieger's “fiancée.”


LOVE MACHINE When Archer's ex-fiancée saved him from Bionic Barry she landed on and destroyed Krieger's van which left him just as tearful as the grieving groom. I don't know if he rebuilt it or just got a new van but Krieger is rolling again and the van is equipped with handicapped access for Ray after the injuries he suffered in New Guinea. Note to self: it is never a good idea to try to load a wheelchair passenger into a vehicle during a gunfight, even if he is sporting twin Desert Eagles. Doing stuff like that tends to be bad for your custom paint job. Well, hopefully Krieger will be able to build a third van as easily as the second.


OFFICE SPACE Cheryl Tunt is insane, that is pretty much a given. Seriously, let’s look at her track record. She dated and slept with Archer despite him constantly getting her name wrong; she even changed her name to Carol for a bit because of it (Malory even calls her Carol in this episode). She has boned pretty much the whole office just so she could feel sexier than Lana, and she has some rather self-destructive habits. I am not quite sure if she sniffs or eats it, but her rubber cement addiction is pretty disturbing. She also loves asphyxiation during sex so much that she almost let a robot snap her like a twig. It really makes you wonder why anyone short of “Fight Club” aka Pam even goes near her. She is way more dangerous than any secret agent and if you listen to the little things she says, you will be more than creeped out.


I have two predictions for this season of Archer: Archer is going to become a better person…and then revert back, and Cheryl is going to make good on at least one of her threats because that bitch is crazy. No one has to believe me, but last season I predicted that Archer and Lana would be back in the sack long before the Stage Two episode aired. I also have a feeling that despite the fact that Archer has forgotten Katya’s name already that he and Bionic Barry are going to have a reckoning. It feels weird that this is the fourth episode of the third season despite being the premiere, but when is anything normal on this show? Stay tuned to the most explosive season of Archer yet!