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1st Impression: Butter

Let me start this first impression by making a statement. After watching this trailer, knowing nothing about this movie beforehand, I had the immediate desire to slit my wrists while lying in a bath of chloroform mixed with the well-written screenplays of yesteryear. (Using a butter knife for dramatic flair of course.)

With that said, WHAT THE HELL DID I WATCH? Seriously, what kind of quaaludes did the studio have to pass around the table read to get the likes of Ty Burrell, Jennifer Garner, Hugh Jackman and Olivia Wilde to do such a piece of defecation? The plot of this wonderful exercise in abysmal is relatively boring at first read – it is about a state “Mastery in Butter” competition, where residents are duking it out to win, which is supposedly comedic on some level.

Now, maybe you are saying to yourself, do they see who can churn the best tasting butter? NO! It is worse than that folks. It is a competition to see who makes the best BUTTER SCULPTURES!!!!! Yes, yes, you read correct. Butter. Sculptures… Jesus. Made. Of. Butter. (Please, re-read each word with the pause for effect since you cannot see my face right now.)

What in the name of Lancaster happened to the real movie writers? Did they all die? Go on strike? Take a trip on Oceanic Flight 815? Because after seeing this I have lost my faith in humanity…and Hugh Jackman. I have an overwhelming urge to go make some toast now and watch some Modern Family I have DVR-ed to see Burrell actually funny. Please behold…Butter!

Source: Trailer Addict

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