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E3 2013 Press Conference Reviews

With E3 outings from Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo as well as EA and Ubisoft, I felt as if it would be appropriate to give my fair judging of each press conference now that each have concluded.


Let’s just get this out of the way. Sony fucking buried Microsoft. Used games, cheap online than isn't required to just play the damn console, and $100 cheaper. Sony has put the figurative nail in the coffin to Xbox One’s E3 time. To be priced at only $399, it seems obvious that Sony learned from their infamous “599 U.S Dollars” debacle from E3 2006 when they unveiled the price for the PS3. But let us just look at this from a purely consumer standpoint of someone who doesn't know the complete specifics of each console. Someone who doesn't care about “DRM” , but won’t confuse the original 2001 Xbox for the Xbox One. This is the person, along with the hardcore gaming audience who, come Christmas time, will look at the PS4 and see that it is a whopping $100 less than the Xbox One, as well as being only $50 more expensive than the current deluxe Wii U model. The idea of being able to watch TV on your console doesn't excite anyone, when cable in most people's minds is a dying medium. Sony thanks to give a damn about their customers, the great quality of launch window titles (Infamous and Killzone), backwards compatibility cloud support in 2014, and the fucking Kingdom Hearts 3 reveal that made me cry, not only won E3, but redeemed itself for the SEVERAL years of PS3 garbage at E3.



If you expect to see me shit all over the Xbox One then I’m sorry to disappoint. I’m the last one to kill the Xbox. I’m here to talk about the press conferences, not everything behind the scenes. While Sony made it poignant that they were well  aware about Xbox’s criticisms recently, Microsoft avoided them at every turn. I feel as if this was a good thing. There have already been more than two separate occasions where Microsoft has addressed the Xbox’s DRM, so I was happy to see what mattered  most – GAMES. Granted, these are ones I won’t play for several years as I’m not picking up this piece of shit at launch, but I digress. Microsoft showed off a new Killer Instinct which looked goosebumpingly fun, even if it could have easily have been made for the Xbox 360….and has to be paid per character.


We even got to see footage of the new Dead Rising, which sadly will be exclusive. However, what I didn't understand is that Xbox never told us WHY their system should be the one to buy. Microsoft should have told us why cloud gaming is the way of the future. Basically they needed to say, “All these hoops  you  need to jump through will be worth it to be able to experience the greatest games ever created”. Instead, we got to see Microsoft show us it’s deep pockets by bringing out Sony mainstay Hide Kojima to show us MGS5 and EA to show off Xbox Exclusive Titanfall.  While both games look pretty enough…why should I play the former on Xbox One and what about the later is so great (besides graphics) that it couldn't be on the fucking 360! I hate to raise my voice because I’m not that kind of guy, but you are seriously going to present a less powerful console than the PS4 and expect everyone to jump aboard because you have a new game featuring mechs!? Remember when I said I’d kill Xbox last? I lied. Sorry Xbox, but you done fucked up.




No wonder Nintendo didn't pay to have an actual press conference – they continue to have no games Wii U-wise. Granted, their 3DS library has gotten beyond healthy since E3 last year, but the Wii U is approaching it's second Christmas and all you have is: a remake of  Wind Waker, Pikmin 3, Super Mario 3D World, and a new Donkey Kong Country Returns. Sure, great games but so what? Where is the system seller? Where is the one game that will make you say “now I need a Wii U”? I’m talking another creative Mario game along the lines of Mario Galaxy, not a fucking Wii U version of Super Mario 3D Land with co-op and more levels. Granted the game looks amazing, but not a system seller.



I’m talking Super Smash Brothers with goddamn Megaman coming THIS year, not next! Seriously, Brawl was delayed into hell, I don’t need the same with this one. Wait…let’s put this in perspective…The new SSB was announced two E3’s ago, was finally shown this year, and it will probably release in holiday of 2014. Four E3’s of waiting. It’s like The Last Guardian without constant disappointment. Speaking of Sony, they fucked up everyone’s evening with that $399 price point. The Wii U needs a HEFTY price drop if it is even to be considered as someone's second console after the Xbox One or PS4 let alone someone’s first console. However, Nintendo’s  continued support of SAFE franchises highlights the growing lack of innovation within Nintendo that could very well give insight to the audience that Nintendo is scared for its own future.



Ubisoft and EA, a/k/a who gives a fuck.

Ubisoft had the worst conference due to their annoying ass host (#fuckgirlwood) who had shades of Mr. Caffeine and Jamie Kennedy from past years…EA….had Drake and Jessie Pinkman.