We have now been treated to the first two-part episode of this series, and, while I thought it was a little more chock full o’story, the ridiculousness it starting to get to me. I semi-hope that it gets the can soon, since I’d rather be watching Gossip Girl than this hot mess.

 Let’s start with Part 1. A creepy looking man named Preston Holloway is looking for a truck with a sprayer attachment at a truck rental. Instead, he blows some fairy dust/dirt looking substance in the employee’s face. She becomes a poisoned stick figure who can’t move. Later, we find out that said employee was a friend of Rollo’s named Janet Peck. Janet “died” and her religious parents didn’t allow an autopsy to be performed. So, uber-cop Vince, Max and Rollo go to the grave to (what) dig her up and see how she died. Only, guess what? Obviously-not-dead chick clawed her way out of her casket. Eww and ouch. The trio find her nutso on a bus, babbling about someone called The Lich. Max recognizes that name from police files that revolve around unanswered murders and kidnappings. Rollo says she is a zombie but Dr. Max deduces she has been drugged with a neurotoxin. Because he knows everything about everything, of course! Carnival member Ruvi hypnotizes her, which leads them to Mr. Creepo’s lair a/k/a the South Street Station. (Does everyone live in a train station?) After investigation of the lair, they figure out that The Lich plans to spray Palm City with the toxin at the next day’s Founder’s Day parade. Something about terrorist zombies…blah…blah…

Meanwhile, Patrick Portman meets with Orwell. He's trying to stop Fleming from buying the port and turning it into his own crime pool. He has a birth certificate for some supposedly non-existent heir of Palm City's founding family, the Chandlers. If he is indeed alive, he would be the rightful owner of the land/port that Fleming wants to buy, since it was never purchased by the city. Find this guy and they could stop Fleming. So of course, Orwell runs it on her blog. A nurse named Netta contacts Orwell from a home called The Orchard, saying that Conrad Chandler is there. Posing as a reporter, she visits Conrad. It appears this guy is an invalid and hasn’t left the home since childhood.

 Vince contacts Marty and asks him to stop the parade, since he is the Chief of Police, after all. Marty tells Fleming, who goes nuts when he finds out The Cape has asked such a thing! Fleming confronts his “good-side” Chess, who urges him to let everyone die. Everyone needs someone to talk to, right?  Back at The Orchard, Orwell tries to get Conrad to take back his life. But Conrad suffers from spinal degeneration, bad vision and tremors and he says that he cannot do it.

 Marty tries some hot shit with the parade-saving thing and ends up almost getting dusted by Mr. Creepy. Of course, Cape saves him. How nice. Let that fuck die. Instead, they stop Mr. Creepo and his henchmen. Parade saved.

 We jump back to Orwell, and find out that this dolt Conrad is actually this Lich we have been hearing so much about. He has been controlling everyone with this dust shit. He pulls off his face, revealing a much prettier one underneath. With Netta by his evil side, they overpower Orwell and she gets neurotoxin to the face. Dun…dun…DUN!

 Part 2: Now in a daze, Orwell is hallucinating her wedding. To Vince. (Who else would she want to marry?) Oh, and TA-DA! Fleming walks her down the aisle – because she is his daughter Jamie! Where’s mom? Behind some white door. Interesting.  Like how they add another plot in there?

Conrad decided he wants to marry Orwell, and make her part of his dead-ish army. So, Orwell gets stuck in a wheelchair unable to do anything but twitch. Her cell phone rings and the caller id reads “The Cape”. Really? Conrad picks up and says she is his now. Now Cape is angry. Our trio of good guys go to The Orchard, beat up some zombies, and realize no one is there. Well that was a waste of time. He has to find Orwell – by getting in to see Mr. Creepo who has been arrested. Now….if only he had someone who works for the public defender’s office…

 ……Dana! He needs his wife’s help. So, to the rooftop! Tripp has installed a camera on the roof to see when The Cape comes…even though he can see right out his window. I don’t understand the need for electronic surveillance here. “I need to talk to your mother.” Upon prodding and being a whiny kid, Dana obliges and goes to the roof, gets freaked, but eventually agrees to get him inside the detention center. With the help of Travis – who clearly likes her. Cape sees it too. Hmm. Let’s note the fact that Travis used a key card to get into the center through a fire exit. That can’t be legal. Cape wears down Mr. Creepo, who worked at The Orchard, and was brainwashed into doing the Lich’s bidding. Poor guy. Cape gets what he needs and bolts to save Orwell.

 It seems like they have been in the same place the whole time. Whatever. While walking through random rooms of horror, Max says “What kind of monster was raised here?” “This kind.” There’s The Lich. No creepy music, but a rather nice quick shot of him being all monster-y. Of course, Cape fight, where we see that this dude doesn’t feel pain – as evidenced by cutting himself. The fight ends with Vince pulling a dresser onto The Lich. That’s it – seriously. The way The Cape brings down bad guys is quite lackluster to say the least.

 Back at the Carnival, the All-Knowing Max gives Orwell some kind of concoction that cures her. However, he asks Vince, who looks smashing in his turtleneck and utility belt,  who she is. (Hasn’t she been staying with them for a few weeks?) She’s Orwell. Okay. He welcomes her to the Carnival of Crime and gives her some tea. We end with Orwell looking at a white door in the carnival with a freaked out look. So let’s see where that goes.

 So, two episodes with a lot jumbled in. I feel they were both long-winded, yet better than the donut plots we have seen thus far. I just wish that there would be a little less in the department of obvious holes and unrealistic scenarios. What do you think?

  • My Take On: The Cape Ep4 – Scales on a Train (mytakeradio.com)