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Slick’s Nit-Picks: Archer, Episode 305 – “El Contador”


In the grand scheme of things, the position of comptroller is very important, but nothing about it screams “badass.” In last season’s Tragical History, Cyril tried to show his ISIS coworkers that he was more than just a numbers cruncher. This failed horribly as the office got a virus that nearly exposed all field agents and Cyril felt even worse than when the debacle started. Oh, and let’s not forget the time he kidnapped Cheryl in order to get back the money she owed him. He had to cover that one up by publicly claiming he was “just jackin’ it” during phone sex at work.. Thankfully, Malory tends to be oblivious to things when she is worried about herself, especially if an enraged, naked Pam is about to beat her ass. Cyril probably cries himself to sleep every night wondering if he will ever get a chance to shine. Well Mr. Figgis, it looks like your time may have come because good things come to those who don’t get paralyzed.


OFF THE BENCH Malory makes the decision to replace Ray after the whole Cuban hit-squad incident. You honestly have to figure that would have gone better if they weren’t waiting for the wheelchair lift. So the replacement for Ray is none other than Cyril, whom she sends with Lana and Archer on a bounty hunt to catch Román Calzado, a Colombian drug lord. Cyril gets himself captured but very quickly and cleverly dons the disguise of El Contador, “sent” by Calzado’s boss to make sure he is not stealing from him. Cyril says that he wants to feel like more of a part of the team. At least in this mission, he does a damn good job of making himself a valuable field asset.


PISSY PEOPLE Malory gets the bright idea to have a drug test after sending Archer and company after a drug lord. This terrifies the entire office pool because they are all using something or another. Working at ISIS, can you really blame them? Enter Krieger to the rescue, who claims that his “Krieger Cleanse” can remove any and all traces of illicit substances, thus saving their jobs. Pam, Ray and Cheryl immediately try to gulp the tea down but it smells and tastes awful. It also has some rather interesting side effects. They probably would have kicked Krieger’s ass had they been lucid enough to notice he was using them as guinea pigs to perfect the tea. Don’t ask me how the hell they passed the test after the hallucinations they had.


WHAT A TUNT Cheryl is steadily going more and more insane and it is getting really difficult to see where it stems from. She’s stinking rich, which has always been a good source of insanity and then there is the erotic asphyxiation obsession. The lack of air to the brain could be causing some issues as well. I mean Pam smokes a lot of weed, but she does it in her office. Cheryl “glues up” right in front of her boss and co-workers and we see in this episode that she brings “Groovy Bears” to work, which I am not sure I even want to know what is in those. I have a strong feeling that she is going to do something major this season, especially after the line she delivers (with an attitude) at the end of the episode: “That’s our pee, and that’s the last I better hear about it because this stupid building is a tinder box and I will burn it to the ground.” That is the second time she has threatened to burn the building down. I have a feeling that by the end of season three, ISIS may need a new headquarters.


This episode easily goes into the top five funniest episodes of Archer, if only for that last line. Between Pam’s brute strength and tolerance for tranquilizers, Cyril shitting himself while smelling like roses and watching a paralyzed gay man get down at a gay rave, El Contador had it all. The only thing this episode was missing is Pam beating Malory’s ass, which was the most hysterical moment in the series to date.There are eleven episodes left in this season; someone is going to die of laughter before it is all over.